Lalo Alcaraz wearing a poncho-burqa. (Photo courtesy Lalo Alcaraz, www.pocho.com)

Opinion: Yes, Rep. Gohmert, Al Qaeda is now called Al Pastor

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) warned Wednesday that “radical Islamists” are being “trained to act like Hispanic[s]” and cross the U.S.-Mexico border.

According to Gohmert, who warned us of the danger of “Terror Babies,” and has more crazy theories than a UFO convention, like “Arabs are now being trained to come in and act like Hispanics when they are radical Islamists.” Gohmert claims Muslims are being trained to assimilate to Hispanic ways.

We have been found out.

For years, Muslim terrorists have been posing as Latinos. (Cue belly dancing mariachi music played by the Gipsy Kings.)

We have been preparing to take over for a long time. Super sleuth Gohmert missed many other clues, including:

-Al Qaeda is now to be referred to as Al Pastor

-We don’t watch Bin Laden videos, we watch telenovelas

-We wear colorful ponchos as burqas

I’m surprised that Gohmert has not urged Americans to stop consuming Mexican food, as it is now actually Middle Eastern food in disguise. Chips and bean dip ain’t nothing but pita chips and hummus. And it’s pretty obvious to any Middle East intelligence expert that a burrito is simply a taco in a burqa. Mexican food items are textbook WMDs, or Weapons of Mass Deliciousness.

I predict Congressman Gohmert will urge the U.S. to go after Al Pastor’s #2 leader. (I’ll let you in on a little secret: You can always tell who our terrorist second in command is by reading the #2 combo at Alberto’s Taco Shop. This week it’s “Carne Assad.”)

Of course this is all ridiculous, and even though I may hint that I am actually from the radical republic of “Tacostan,” I do take a couple things seriously.

Gohmert is not the only moron who thinks like this, (Steve King, Rick Santorum do also) though he may be the most prolific and creative.

It’s a vigilantism of idiots.

However, there is a grain of truth in Gohmert’s weird assertions. Latinos, or people of Hispanic descent do have Muslim roots, and I don’t just say that as an excuse to post pictures of Lebanese-Mexican beauty Salma Hayek.
Spain has a deep Muslim history, and was under Muslim rule from 711 until 1492 under the Arabs and Moors of Al-Andalus. Muslim influence is clearly evident in the architecture, art and music of Spain. And those Spanish surnames! As someone whose surname is “Alcaraz,” (or Al-Caraz) I must confess that I just recently learned that my last name in Arabic means “the cherry.” And the word in Spanish for cherries is “cerezas.” And therefore Louie Gohmert will assert that I am plotting to throw cherry bombs.

And Latinos and Middle Easterners have some surface physical similarities, I suppose. But it’s irresponsible and ludicrous to fantasize that millions of terrorists are camped just over the border taking “Hispanic Classes” in order to infiltrate America. Brown people are already here, and were waiting when the Europeans snuck over the ocean borders. So stop going there, Louie Gohmert. You don’t want me to share our secret recipe for ricin beans burritos. Finally, let me wish Mr. Gohmert our secret Latino-Muslim greeting — “Allah Madre!”

Opinion: Yes, Rep. Gohmert, Al Qaeda is now called Al Pastor  lalo nbc politics NBC Latino News

Lalo Alcaraz, is an award-winning illustrator, writer and satirist.

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