Actor George Lopez brings the funny with his second book, "I'm Not Gonna Lie."

Actor George Lopez brings the funny with his second book, “I’m Not Gonna Lie.” (Photo/Getty Images)

George Lopez cracks us up: the top five LOL-worthy moments from new book “I’m Not Gonna Lie”

George Lopez has made his living as one of America’s most beloved funny guys and the comedian is delivering the laughs once more with his new release “I’m Not Gonna Lie: And Other Lies You Tell When You Turn 50.” Consider this the Mexican-American television personality’s ode to the aches and pains of hitting middle age; all 271 pages are dedicated to Lopez’s musings on popping knees, 20-something girlfriends, hair dye, golf, success and setbacks. Although the book amuses from beginning to end, we couldn’t help but share our top five laugh-out-loud moments from Lopez’s book.

I'm Not Gonna Lie cover imageGet this: George Lopez dyes his hair

Hair dye isn’t just for the viejas or wannabe blondes anymore with the big reveal that Lopez – who turned 52 in April – dyes his hair jet black.

“There’s also more pressure on me to look younger, because my show is still on TV all the time in syndication. In the show, I’m in my forties. People think of me as that age, as if I’m frozen in time. I also look younger because I have all my hair. And, OK, keep this between us …. I dye it …I admit that going prematurely gray and having little kids tell me that I looked old bummed me out.”

“Medical marijuana is a wonder drug”

Lopez admits while he used to “get high just to get high” that medical marijuana helped him recover after his kidney transplant in 2005. He now carries a medical marijuana card in order to use the drug for pain relief and reveals that how he prefers to take his weed – in gummy bears and brownies.

“Those are amazing. Very simple to make, too. Just get some Duncan Hines brownie mix and cook the weed right in there. Drop it right in with the butter. I don’t know who came up with this idea first, but it’s sheer genius.”

On compression socks and other “special devices”

Lopez doesn’t want to be considered old, but as he shares in his book, growing older comes with a very special set of aches and pains. That being said, Lopez shares his very favorite accessory – you know, the one that lets “you know when you’ve turned the corner form middle-aged to old.”

Compression socks. Lopez writes, “It’s not a youthful look. Or a stylish look. The guys from Jersey Shore do not wear compression socks. Apparently they don’t wear condoms, either.  But here’s the thing ….a confession about my compression socks. I don’t care how they look; compression socks are the single most comfortable item of clothing I’ve ever worn. Ever. It’s as if these socks pull everything together in a heavenly way.”

On having kids after 50

In 2010, Lopez divorced his wife Ann after 17 years of marriage; with 50 came the chance to dip into a much, much younger dating pool. While Lopez doesn’t reveal the identity of his 20-something girlfriend, here’s what he does reveal: He doesn’t want to have more children.

“The clock is running out, dude. You can do your best. You can chase after your kid in the park until your breath gives out and you’re sucking wind and your side starts to stab with pain and feels as if it’s about to split open …You can try to deal with all the best intentions but you can’t avoid this – tick, tick tick. Yes, when you have a kid after fifty, life is a wrestling match. And you’re about to get pinned.”

Lopez keeps donuts in the house at all times – just because

Getting older is a great reason to get into shape and start paying attention to what you eat. Just ask Lopez, who says he even tried veganism in his quest towards a diet that didn’t depend solely on tacos and tostadas. But that being said, Lopez always keep donuts in his house and reveals the reason why:

“I always keep a box of doughnuts in my house, because when I was a kid, my grandmother didn’t allow them in the house. She gave me a million reasons. They were treats, only for special occasions. Or they were bad for you. Or they cost too much. Or I’d abuse my doughnut privilege and eat too many at the same time. Whatever the real reason, I never had any doughnuts when I was growing up. Now, at night, when I’m foraging around the kitchen deciding on a late-night snack, I want to know that I have the option of a doughnut. I never eat them, but I like seeing them there. Makes me feel safe. Gives me comfort.”

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