The other day, I needed a transvaginal ultra sound. You know, that thing Republican men want you to get when you have an unplanned pregnancy.
Why? Because I am in the midst of an unplanned pregnancy. Really unplanned. Extremely unplanned. I wrote about how I wanted my husband to get a vasectomy in this very blog not that long ago. The champion of justifying having only one child just got herself knocked up. So now what?
I called my midwife, laughed at the irony of my life, and scheduled a transvaginal ultrasound to see how far along I was.
Transvaginal ultrasounds suck. A total stranger takes a lubed up television remote and shoves it up your South Florida and wiggles it around until the teeny tiny dot that is your pregnancy appears on a screen. It doesn’t look human. It looks like a blob. It is a blob. A blob of cells that have the potential to grow into a person. So now what?
Terminating this pregnancy is technically an option. I have health insurance, good healthcare providers, and I live in a blue state. I’m not terminating the pregnancy, for religious reasons, but I do believe in choice. I’m choosing to follow what I follow and if someone else chooses differently then whatever. If termination was something I was considering, a stick up my vajayjay wouldn’t change that. I didn’t bond with the blob in my uterus. I didn’t bond with the blob that would turn into Adi (it wasn’t Adi at the time, it was just a blob) either. I bonded with the over active and super kicky fetus Adi. I suspect that I’ll bond with whatever this blob turns into.
Ultrasounds, transvaginal or otherwise, are between me, my healthcare provider, and the grumpy lady greasing up a device with a wire attached so she can show me the cluster of cells that have taken over my womb for an Occupy Uterus protest. My ultrasound was scheduled as part of the prenatal care prescribed by my midwife. She’s the only person who gets to tell me that I need to do this. I have enough stuff in my uterus. I don’t need the government there too.
I’m unexpectedly serene about this. I even got excited about it when I posted a picture of my positive pregnancy test on social media. Life is full of unexpected surprises. Yes, this is unplanned, but it isn’t unwanted. Adi is going to be an awesome big sister. If it’s a girl, they can share a room. If it’s a boy I’ll divide up the larger bedroom and serve weenies in a blanket at his bris. The worst part about this whole thing is that because I was so certain that my uterus was closed for business I literally gave everything baby away and kept nothing. Serves me right I guess.
OMG I’m this close to having two children!
Rachel Figueroa-Levin is a soapmaker, cofounder and educator at Urban Babywearing, a hyperlocal Inwood blogger and organizer, a political/life/religion/parenting satirist, and all around trouble maker. She is also the creator of New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s Spanish-speaking alter ego @elbloombito. You can reach her via twitter @Jewyorican.